Dear Blog!!!

Long time no speak. The truth is that I've been down. And that I was silly enough to not want to write in that mode(cause I've got sooooo many readers - not). In the future I'd like to share that too, and not only in retrospect.

What I've been down about is a general feeling of emptiness, and my worries about that feeling. I still have doubts concerning my becoming coach and often feel that something is wrong if I'm not fullfilling my destiny and developing a golden aura(just kiddin but you get the picture). I think that I'm slowly realising that this calling of mine isn't helped by me giving it extra meaning or babbling about it as being my purpose. It may be like love - time will tell and "bravery is the only option"(whose qoute is that?).

Thank God I don't feel that I have to be Buddha and be able to coach everyone anymore(I realised I might not actually get to do a lot of coaching - except maybe on my death bed, and then my pricing would have to be ridiculous to make up for lost time...) - now I can chose who I work with. OR that I think that I have to be perfect or have absolut integrity before I begin! All that could have something to do with this quote that has been at my side for a couple of years now:

"He who would do good to another,
must do it in Minute Particulars,
General Good is the plea of the
scoundrel, hypocrite & flatterer"
William Blake


Now I know that wanting those things and being on the road towards them is enough, and that the doubt itself seems healthy to me. As long as I can confront it and turn the rock to see what is underneath I don't mind.
I think maybe it is time to re-new my mem. Words lead to thought, and thought leads to action, you know. I've been thinking about this one, but I don't quite know what it means too me yet:

"Things which matter most
must never be at the mercy of
things which matter least."
Goethe

Enough reflection! Here what has happened since I wrote last:
I've started classes at www.CoachU.com AND www.Coachville.com and I'm loving it. The format is teleclasses, required and optional, plus websites full of tools, models, transrcipts, real audio files(hear others coach!). CoachU also sends you a great big 7kg package but mine hasn't arrived yet.
What I've done is take intro classes for both schools, and planed and booked classes all the way thru August. Plus I've listened to real audio files of all the classes I'm taking and tried to listen to some one else coaching everyday. I've decided to use CoachU for the slow, gradual development part of my needs and Coachville for the anxious to now more right now side of myself. Seems a little schizo perhaps but it seems to be working brilliantly. On the one side my integrity as coach is built, and on the other my appetite and curiousity is wetted. I also plan to use Coachville for just in time learning for special client needs as they have extensive resources for this.
On the business side I now have 3 paying clients and 1 pro bono client instead of vice versa. I've decided to focus on getting a lot more pro bono customers on board soon because I am fairly sure of my ability to deliver enough value for them to want to make the transition into full time coaching. And the extra work load and challenge would motivate and help me develop my self and my practice faster.
I'm now closing the deal with my first company and have set up a meeting with a second company who have recieved and greatly appreciated the offer/suggestion I've sent them. Both are great clients and will help me along way towards my goal of having 100 clients before November 15th of this year.


My next challenge on the road of coaching is to let go of wanting to produce value for my clients, because it really f-cking gets in the way of my coaching. It really pisses me off!
Everyone is really pleased with my coaching, but I don't really hear it. That is challenge number two - get to grips with my perfectionism.
Step one is to read, "When perfect isn't good enough" (by Martin M Antony & Richard P Swinson), the book on the topic that I've avoided ever since I bought it (I started crying in the store from just reading a random page I flipped open).
Step two is to finish all my information material, introduce it to my clients and start selling with what I've got and be happy with it.
Step three is to make list and map of all the things that have been and are being affected by my perfectionism
Step four will be to seek help for this, and start with my coach asap.
These steps are not sequential by the way, because I am not a very sequential type of guy.



Wow... I really hope that some day I can develop this blog into a forum of some sort, so that I can develop dialog around these subjects and topics that others find relevant to discuss. Until then I'll settle for marketing it and getting some readers. Sa-yo-na-ra!

M-a-x

Question: Did you get what I meant about if my calling is my calling it'll be like love - time will tell and bravery is the only option? What does that do for you?


PS. I've asked my highly recommended Mentor Coach Ginny Baillie www.bandf.org to add this blog to my pre-coaching call prep form, because I feel I wright more freely here, and because that routine would create continuity in my writing(hope she OKs it...)!