Lack of concentration or lack of challenges?

It took me almost 40 years to understand and accept that I don't have a concentration/procrastination/add problem - I am just highly intelligent, very multifaceted, with extreme amounts of experience, due to a courageous life well lived, and I need challenges of that caliber, otherwise I can't be bothered. 


Like a sheep dog I need exercise, and variation, if not I basically "eat the furniture" or go crazy :)  


My problem has been that I have some times followed the popular conceptual thinking that one has to start from the bottom or start with A before B. Now I know better and coach others on designing and living a life fitting of their strengths and genius, and to stop playing "the consideration game" and think critically about the origin of some of their thought patterns. This of course takes serious self-management skills. Skills that many people do not have and paradoxically many with extreme strengths/skills/genius rely too heavily and singularly on these (plus too many people around them have respected these strengths/skills/genius far too much and not helped them use the "tools", and far too many understand very late in life that they are a double edged sword that one can easily hurt one self with).


One of the many things that opened my eyes to this was interestingly Poker. My father had a certain fondness for the game and I had joined him a few times at the casino when visiting him, without much success. The game just couldn't keep my focus or motivation, and as a result I didn't play it or take it seriously. 
Then one day I asked to be transferred to another poker table and in the move a human error led to me sitting at a table with considerably more money on the line, and all of a sudden I was totally focused and highly engaged, and winning.


The moral of the story is this - make sure you are always "playing at a table" that captures your focus and motivation! 

Perspective is key.

Because perspective is the little brother of beliefs. It is like smoke and fire. Once you find perspective you soon find yourself a belief. And beliefs shape your experiences, so thus shape not only your life, but the You that is shaped by your life experiences. And t h a t quickly becomes a lot of programming to break free of on your own, and a lot of You to say farewell to - should you wish to do so...

Some perspectives and beliefs are indistinguishable from one another, and many are handed to you by your environment, never based on your own experiences, never framed in your words or language that you yourself have defined. Yet they can have profoundly negative impact on your life if you are not aware and/or get your hands on some mental floss.

One of my big one's was the fact that Humanity wasn't very human. Not fair, not nice, not rational, not self preserving, etc etc. Yes, there is evidence or rather statistics that points to the veracity and fault of these judgements, BUT the points is not what is the truth of the matter. The point is what is my truth of the matter.

My truth was a fuckin downer. A far reaching, all encompassing, standard lowering, dualistic, generalizing, judgemental downer...

Until I became aware of it and gave it a good thought, and found a new perspective.

Here it is:

We, humanity, are the monkeys that domesticated ourselves. That evolved internally and externally, as individuals and as groups, from being feces slinging, ass picking, belly scratching, tree dwellers (like many before me I enjoy the extra emphasis, even when it for the time being parts from the truth) to what we are today. It may not be much in your eyes, but who/what else are you going to compare with?!

No matter what your argument is there is no denying - we have come a loooong way.

And that my dear friends is a positive belief.

There is no such thing as a problem.
Unless you have a preferred outcome, intention or goal of some sort.


It is not a problem to be sick unless your goal is to be healthy.
It is not a problem to be poor unless your goal is to be wealthy.
It is not a problem to be unknown unless your goal is to be well known.
It is not a problem to be alone unless your goal is to be together with some one.


Yet many hold on to their problems as if they are a version of monopoly's "get out of jail" card. Except this card is a "get out continuing your life" card, and as such it is usually used in order not to do the stuff that needs to be done.


Why is it so H A R D ?


Usually we experience "problems" not because we have a goal/intention/preferred outcome, but because we have so many that they are in conflict with one another almost constantly, pulling us in different directions, at different times.


This is one of the reasons self awareness and expressing yourself out loud, preferably to others, in order to hear yourself talk about your "problems", goals, and ultimately your priorities and commitments to yourself is such a strong tool.

I don't know where it will lead, but I am doing it any way.

Those are my feelings on writing, not only this but writing in general, and the strange thing is that as I write this I understand that that sentence sums up me, and my relationship to life, in a profound and slightly spooky way.

I have been putting off writing for a long time. Not only this blog, that I never really started, but all writing. Reason(s)? Don't know in detail, but I do know that I have tried to hard to master/control my life and destiny, and have had a lot less dreaming, vision and wishes. And I lost that loving feeling. But now I am back.

Grit, faith, independence, curiosity, creativity are all characteristics that I have more than most people I know. I am at my best when the comfort zones and the fear based life is long gone. Strangely I am in the Know in the Unknown. When I don't strive to control and when I give my dependence to self up for greatness of a life lived for the adventure of living - the whole hearted living and vulnerability that Brené Brown talks about.

For me writing is following an emotion or sensation and dancing with it - what is that? how does it feel? what could it mean? how does that feel? no it wasn't that, it is more like this! did I describe that right? no wait... so now what are the consequences of that?

it is the dance of experience and belief, belief and experience. It is where I take charge of the causality of my life, where I co-create. Self-authoring...

Long time, No see

But more so

Long time, No be

Har en insikt som jag fått så många gånger, i olika varianter, att det är larvigt.
Och nu har jag fått den igen - sann styrka kommer från att (våga) vara mänsklig.

Varje gång jag beger mig för långt ifrån det jag vill göra, vara eller ha så kommer det en tidspunkt då jag antingen måste lida, fly, avsluta eller bara vara ärlig.
Men att "bara vara ärlig" är sällan så bara när man väl kommit till kritan, men å andra sidan så är alternativen ingen höjdare de heller.

Skillnaden är markant. Jag är plötsligt öppnare och mer närvarande med alla. Och gladare!
Och min coaching är mycket mer givande - för alla parter. "The truth will set you free" kanske inte är helt fel trots den religiösa undertonen...?

Veckans insikt: Jag har byggt ett operahus för att få bli solist

Problemet är att man blir inte solist när man väl byggt operahuset, man blir operadirektör eller operaägare. Not attractive.

Jag byggde ett av sveriges största coachingföretag för att få coacha. Behövde jag verkligen lov för det? Eller var det bara min ambition som utsatte mig för ännu ett spratt? Tror det. Tyvärr.

Hur kan man gå så långt över vatten för att få ngt att dricka?! Det är som att jag skulle törsta ihjäl på världens längsta flod. Humor!

Och Vad gör jag nu när jag äger ett operahus? Tidigare har jag flytt eller kapitulerat, men det är inte ett alternativ. Samtidigt så vill jag ägna mig åt det hantverk som jag är så glad för. Tål att tänka på. Dags att marinera. Och ta hand om min stackars sönder yogade kropp.

Sunday night. Tired, restless and yet I am strangely content in so many ways I have a hard time counting them. I am coming closer to all my goals that are related to my coaching business fast - both business and personal - and fast...

The organisation is growing and will soon be Swedens biggest coaching operation.

We turned a profit month five, raising our gross by 63% from the month before (when we only did +34%), which is incredibly good. Almost 100% increase in two months time.

As a consequence I am now able to lift a regular salary from the company I built with my own heart. Gaining great satisfaction, self-respect, and a sense of security that I had forgotten existed. But then again it is the first time since 1995 that I have a regular salary (The consequences and benefits of that could fill a book shelf or a blogg of its' own).

One thing that still gets me, feels absolutely wild and is a source of pride is that I am still dettached from the outcome. The outcome, whatever it will be, will not affect my long term energy or happiness. And that is not just something I am saying.

Last week was supposed to be my last week of work, but we had so much to do that I have to work next week too. But that is going to be a breeze because I don't have any meetings.
Soon I'll be sitting with a fishing rod and a good book up at moms place. Hopefully Cassie will be there with me.

And with any luck I'll be coaching internationally on a regular basis next season, but more about that later.

Hope every one I know is having a good summer out there.

Wednesday, only a couple of days until Midsummer, which is the summer version of x-mas around here (Stockholm, Sweden). Everyone including me is looking forward to some well earned vacation time and to enjoy all that a Swedish summer can offer.

Right now I am looking to recruit some really good and experienced coaches. What is a good coach? What makes a good coach good....?
I could probably answer that if I had the time, but it will be one of many things to write about this summer.

Onward upward

Just found my blogg again! How could I let myself get talked out of blogging?!

I'm going to write a lot more in the coming period. A lot of interesting things are happening in my life, and writing is a great way for me to get it out of my head

BUT

I can't keep writing in English... Swedish is my first language after all... but it is also a very limited language hmmmm - I'll mix.

Holy shit - I totally forgot about my blog. Well not really...
I actually got some bad feedback about keeping a blog from my coach at the time (now she probably has her own blog!).

Life is pretty cool right now. A state of constant development that is finally feeling OK by me. I'm kind of hoping that A) - I have the worst behind me or B) - I now have the resolve needed to take any insight thrown at me.

So here is where I am right now:
The Dad situation - After really trying hard to get together and closer with my Dad

Which ties in to my goal to strengthen my family.

I am losing my capitalistic virginity or rather naivity. Reading "Rich Dad, Poor Dad"(ironic) and getting hip to the fact that the capitalistic model is just one huge and complex Pyramid game.
There is no way of being a part of it and

Which brings me to Ethics and Morality - a constant "back burner" focus right now. Saw the movie Dogville last night which I recommend for anyone who is serious about their soul searching in this area. It was for me a tale and od to the need or absolut neccessity of a subjective morality, integrity and boundaries. But also something else... Something disturbing that I haven't quite gotten to the bottom of yet

Consequence - which will need further definition - is also a great need and a focus that has been a natural part of my development since a hung over day at the beach in Juan les Pins this summer. And one that I feel proud of as it is one of the traits of a true leader, and with it I will always be proud of myself.
So what is it?

I'm back in Danmark which is also OK for the time being

Dear Blog!!!

Long time no speak. The truth is that I've been down. And that I was silly enough to not want to write in that mode(cause I've got sooooo many readers - not). In the future I'd like to share that too, and not only in retrospect.

What I've been down about is a general feeling of emptiness, and my worries about that feeling. I still have doubts concerning my becoming coach and often feel that something is wrong if I'm not fullfilling my destiny and developing a golden aura(just kiddin but you get the picture). I think that I'm slowly realising that this calling of mine isn't helped by me giving it extra meaning or babbling about it as being my purpose. It may be like love - time will tell and "bravery is the only option"(whose qoute is that?).

Thank God I don't feel that I have to be Buddha and be able to coach everyone anymore(I realised I might not actually get to do a lot of coaching - except maybe on my death bed, and then my pricing would have to be ridiculous to make up for lost time...) - now I can chose who I work with. OR that I think that I have to be perfect or have absolut integrity before I begin! All that could have something to do with this quote that has been at my side for a couple of years now:

"He who would do good to another,
must do it in Minute Particulars,
General Good is the plea of the
scoundrel, hypocrite & flatterer"
William Blake


Now I know that wanting those things and being on the road towards them is enough, and that the doubt itself seems healthy to me. As long as I can confront it and turn the rock to see what is underneath I don't mind.
I think maybe it is time to re-new my mem. Words lead to thought, and thought leads to action, you know. I've been thinking about this one, but I don't quite know what it means too me yet:

"Things which matter most
must never be at the mercy of
things which matter least."
Goethe

Enough reflection! Here what has happened since I wrote last:
I've started classes at www.CoachU.com AND www.Coachville.com and I'm loving it. The format is teleclasses, required and optional, plus websites full of tools, models, transrcipts, real audio files(hear others coach!). CoachU also sends you a great big 7kg package but mine hasn't arrived yet.
What I've done is take intro classes for both schools, and planed and booked classes all the way thru August. Plus I've listened to real audio files of all the classes I'm taking and tried to listen to some one else coaching everyday. I've decided to use CoachU for the slow, gradual development part of my needs and Coachville for the anxious to now more right now side of myself. Seems a little schizo perhaps but it seems to be working brilliantly. On the one side my integrity as coach is built, and on the other my appetite and curiousity is wetted. I also plan to use Coachville for just in time learning for special client needs as they have extensive resources for this.
On the business side I now have 3 paying clients and 1 pro bono client instead of vice versa. I've decided to focus on getting a lot more pro bono customers on board soon because I am fairly sure of my ability to deliver enough value for them to want to make the transition into full time coaching. And the extra work load and challenge would motivate and help me develop my self and my practice faster.
I'm now closing the deal with my first company and have set up a meeting with a second company who have recieved and greatly appreciated the offer/suggestion I've sent them. Both are great clients and will help me along way towards my goal of having 100 clients before November 15th of this year.


My next challenge on the road of coaching is to let go of wanting to produce value for my clients, because it really f-cking gets in the way of my coaching. It really pisses me off!
Everyone is really pleased with my coaching, but I don't really hear it. That is challenge number two - get to grips with my perfectionism.
Step one is to read, "When perfect isn't good enough" (by Martin M Antony & Richard P Swinson), the book on the topic that I've avoided ever since I bought it (I started crying in the store from just reading a random page I flipped open).
Step two is to finish all my information material, introduce it to my clients and start selling with what I've got and be happy with it.
Step three is to make list and map of all the things that have been and are being affected by my perfectionism
Step four will be to seek help for this, and start with my coach asap.
These steps are not sequential by the way, because I am not a very sequential type of guy.



Wow... I really hope that some day I can develop this blog into a forum of some sort, so that I can develop dialog around these subjects and topics that others find relevant to discuss. Until then I'll settle for marketing it and getting some readers. Sa-yo-na-ra!

M-a-x

Question: Did you get what I meant about if my calling is my calling it'll be like love - time will tell and bravery is the only option? What does that do for you?


PS. I've asked my highly recommended Mentor Coach Ginny Baillie www.bandf.org to add this blog to my pre-coaching call prep form, because I feel I wright more freely here, and because that routine would create continuity in my writing(hope she OKs it...)!

One hour until my New Student Orientation Class with CoachU! I'm having dinner in front the computer - gnocchi and chevre - should be delicious, but my appetite is in a cave in pakistan or something. I'm nervous. First day of school!!! I'm so excited and I've had a great feeling all day.

Why didn't I do this earlier???

I actually did "a lot of thinking", "researched" and "budgets" before deciding(Me? Yeah right...).
My decision? Both! Both the CoachU CTP program AND Coachville's GSC program. Seemed logic at the time, but I guess it is just the best and truest picture of my enthusiasm.
I just hope my expectations aren't to high. I really need some depth when it comes to this topic. It's not something I take lightly "facilitating the performance, learning and development of others". Guess I've just had so many shitty experiences, in between the golden ones that counted, that I know the difference a person can really make.

More on that later. Gotta get ready for class(; D).

Max!


Did you ever have an inkling that there was a more productive way of interacting with others?
What happened to that inkling?

Paris 2002-05-15

Wow...

After years with my diary, 14 to be exact, I'm now super charged & publishing with Blogger. And it took all of 5 minutes. Amazing...!

The purpose of this blog is to follow me around the world and along the path that I've chosen.
After years of wondering, testing, and not diggin what I was doing (a lot) I finally decided to take off on my big journey. One of the best decisions I ever made. And even though Love, Family and Friendship found me before I got to do all of my lone-wolf-manly-walkabout-thingy (the road turned and so did I) I did at least find two things on my journey.

The first was that I am forever the Traveler, because it is a state of mind and an attitude towards the world around you rather than geography, tickets, place and time.

The second was the answer to the question - "If I were to chose on thing that I would like to spend 10 years of my life doing, and mastering, what would it be?" - The answer was Coaching.


So, Here I am a few months later in a small studio in Paris, living with the love of my life, Elle, after travels in Estonia, Russia & Sibiria, beginning my coaching path. The trials and tribulations of becoming a coach. That's what this is about. And hopefully connecting with, and maybe helping, others out there.

All the best!

Max